After two weeks of intense outdoor working with a friend, I noticed that I had so much joy of working together with somebody and to do practical work with someone. We were flowing in work as a hand in a glove ( as we say here in Norway ) Peas in pods. we were painting outhouses on my little farm, and we built a new stairway with a sweet little patio right outside my front door.
We made lots of food and had so much fun, the evenings were cozy with long and deep conversations, followed by long nights sleep. We have so much in common, in our way to react to things and how we look at things. We experienced no drama discussions on how we were going to do the work, everything was just YES and OK let's do it, and so we did. Both matured by earlier life experiences and both very deeply connected to self and whats good for us and not, both were honoring each other naturally. and both very agreeing to the; "too good to be true feeling"
We woke up early every morning started the day with a few coffee cups, after that we had breakfast, and then we started to work again. The two weeks went fast and it was just when he left to Oslo that, I felt the big empty space within as I came home to an empty house.
I was shocked.
What is this feeling? It felt as I had been breaking up with a long term relationship, I was sobbing a lot that day as I felt this empty space within - this longing for someone to fill up this space. This feeling wouldn't leave, and I, that had been alone for years without feeling this kind of things. We had no romantic connection so this was very strange. It is no way that this could be an inner call for a falling in love with him feeling, as far as I know, myself I would know that feeling. It wasn't that.
On the evening after feeling even more of this loneliness within, I decided to light up a candle light and to close my eyes to feel deeper into this. And here I felt it, I felt in need to connect with someone again. I felt the longing for someone to fill up this void, it got so intense, it was like a balloon that was filled with the pain of loneliness. I was tempted to just stop it, it was so painful. But I continued to BE with it, I started to breathe with my soul, in my knowingness I knew this to be my human issue, not my soul issue.
In a blink of an eye I started to feel my soul filling up this void, I felt clear and strong and so much love. My cheeks got red and the sadness went away. I was being the breath as my belly became more and more filled with this easy and loving feeling from my soul self.
I felt me so deeply loving me. As if a little girl came back home to mama.
I am so grateful that I said yes to do this outdoor work, this place looks so much better and I feel so much better,
What a gift it is to have friends, to let go of them, to be reminded of what I have missed from my self
What a gift we are to ourselves.